2009: The Year of WTF...

I read a copy of the the NUVO in a quiet corner of Bazbeaux's pizza on Mass Ave. and that is how the article started, "2009 the year of WTF."

Fitting I'd say in so many ways when I think about my 2009. Ahhh, New Years. I have yet to write my annual reflective New Years entry into my journal and for a change jumped first its dearest online cousin, my blogocito.

If I think of NYE last year, I remember getting plastered in a cheesy pub in Soho en Londres. Classy. Followed by a few months in London, a summer in the Big Apple, and a relocation to SF Bay Area, it's safe to say, I feel altogether ambivalent about all of it.

With relapses into sinking sadness usually followed by a seemingly endless supply of uninvited tears, I'm wading through the angst of my, now, late 20s. The holidays and my birthday are usually full of relentless self-love, but this year, 27 was a real stinger. Of course 27 is almost 30 in the scheme of things which triggers thoughts like, "well, shit I should really get in gear and do [this] and [this] and [this] and [this]."

My job is not fulfilling, which I can't seem to tease apart from my two pressing sources of stress: (1) break-up recovery and (2) social worker identity crisis. The former comes in waves and sucks. I'm fine. I watch a platitudinous romantic comedy. I go to delightful happy-couple-infested dinner parties. I have a dream I wished my subconscious would have never invented. I'm NOT fine. Still not interested in the other sex romantically, only currently useful for sheer adoration and humor. The latter, then, deserves more attention, because at least I can control that. (Sort of). I had a great convo con mi querida amiga who described my inner-conflict to be in alignment with the stars. "Astrologically speaking," she starts one of her sentences, my Scorpio rising heightens my level of commitment to a specific task/path (being a social worker) which competes the influences of my Sagitarius moon that resists being tied down to any on thing (wanting to move on, try other avenues within the field or changes fields--education, politics...). Moving into my sun sign, also Sagittarius, I will gradually accept the 'jack of all trades' identity and forgo commitment to any one task/path.

In the past few months I've decided something important, that I don't want to be insignificant. I had a sad and jolting moment one day when I stopped and looked at my reflection in a store window on the way home from work. I thought "I'm so normal." I was just going home from work, just like everybody else.